Late-Night Personalities Target Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

Television's prominent comedians used the airtime ridiculing former President Donald Trump's just unveiled visa initiative, labeled the "Trump card," characterizing it as a clear pay-for-access system for the wealthy.

Colbert's Witty Take

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert presented a mock Christmas song directed at the president. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... destroys all he touches."

The subject was the new initiative which permits international citizens to buy U.S. residence for a sum of $1 million dollars, with a "premium" option for five million. A government page guarantees approval "with unprecedented speed."

"One thought for you to rich foreigners: prior to you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He pointed out that the scheme is also intended to "squeeze cash" from businesses wishing to hire skilled workers, involving large costs. "That is a lot of fees, however if you enroll, you additionally get two free nights at a property of your selection – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.

"Unprecedented vetting the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these people completely meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will allow wealthy international individuals to live here," he stated. "For a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"It might be time to revise that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the simplicity of the form, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Grocery Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's declining approval ratings during economic anxiety. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term because they were mad about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a effort to tackle cost of living, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a selection of food items, where he behaved strangely to boxes of cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by targeting conservative media defenses of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he remarked.